“Pete, I think I’m Jesus Christ.”

When the Beatles were bigger than Jesus

One night, after a few joints, a bit of LSD, we were sitting around at Kenwood playing tapes when John suddenly said: “Pete, I think I’m Jesus Christ.”

“You what?” I said.

“I’m Jesus Christ. I’m back again.”

“Oh yeah,” I said. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I’ve got to tell the world who I am.”

“But they’ll kill you.”

“That can’t be helped,” said John. “How old was Jesus when they killed him?”

“I reckon about 32.”

“Then I’ve got at least four years to go,” said John. “First thing tomorrow morning, we’ll go into Apple and tell the others.” Next morning, I contacted Apple to arrange an emergency board meeting. All four Beatles turned up, plus Neil Aspinall (Apple’s managing director) and Derek Taylor, their press officer.

“Right,” said John, sitting behind his desk. “I’ve something very important to tell you all. I am…Jesus Christ. I have come back again. This is my thing.”

The Beatles looked rather stunned, but said nothing. It was totally surreal. But nobody cross-examined him. No plans were made to announce the Messiah’s arrival. There was a bit of muttering, then silence, till somebody suggested the meeting was adjourned for lunch. “In the restaurant over lunch a man came up to John and said: “Really nice to meet you, how are you?”

“Actually,” said John, “I’m Jesus Christ.”

“Oh, really?” said the man. “Well, I liked your last record.”

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